They say you get wiser with age.
Well, I'm not sure about the wiser part. I mean, I still expect to win the lottery every time I scratch the lottery tickets. However, I guess if there's something aging has thought me, it is the change in erstwhile rock-solid friendships and relationships as a whole.
I'm going to press the brakes here to issue a disclaimer. This post might take an academic turn now and again (by academic I mean there'll be a continuum and at least one definition).
With that out of the way, let me proceed. So, friendships change... news flash! You see why I doubt the older-wiser theory? Anyways, I have had a lot of great friends over the years, some 'greater' than others. With age, distance and change in status etc, we have sort of grown apart. Interestingly, for other friends, we have grown closer; even some acquaintances of mine have somehow turned into great friends.
So, I propose (here comes the academic part) a continuum:
Great/Good Friends
↕
Friends
↕
Acquaintances
↕
Enemies/Frenemies/Extinct Friendships
This I call a Friendship Shift Continuum which represents the spectrum of stages between great friends and the extreme - enemies/frenemies or even outright extinct friendships. You see, there will always be factors that will (seek to) change or shift the status of your friendships (and, by extension, every other type of relationship). These factors include distance, change in status, rumours, pride, etc.
There will always be a shift in friendship, even momentary, for better or for worse; however what determines where the relationship is headed is whether you two are determined to make the relationship work.
This is where it begins to sound like every other advice on romantic relationships. Surprise, surprise, friendships are like romantic relationships (emphasis on 'relationship')! Wiser?
Where I am headed with this however is the realisation that there is usually a friendship shift. It does hurt sometimes when that person you had a close bond with suddenly falls to the acquaintance zone or off the continuum entirely.
However what I have found useful in repairing these relationships, if you think they are worth it (unfortunately you might have to let some people go) are four things (there might be more... I'll probably get to know them when I'm pushing 50). I call this the CARE principle (yes, I'm so proud of myself right now):
*Communication (blunt communication): If you feel there's something that is serving as a barrier in your relationship, address it, bluntly. Tell the other person if you feel they're worth having. For instance (and this is only an example), "I think it's been awkward between us because I hate the brand of shampoo you're using". Also, continue to communicate. Do not let awkward silences stretch for years... that's just wrong.
*Awareness: Be aware that friendships change, even if you were sworn childhood BFFs, with matching necklaces and all. It's okay if a great friend slides into the friend or acquaintance zone, or if an erstwhile acquaintance moves up to the great friend zone.
*Remember: Yeah, remember the reason why you became and stayed friends for as long as you did.
*Evaluation: Determine whether the friendship is worth salvaging - upgrading or downgrading. You can't be best friends with some people forever. It might be that they fit more of an acquaintance role now. Again, if the friendship isn't mutually beneficial or if you've tried all within your power and it's beginning to seem you are forcing yourself on them, well... burn that bridge.
Well, go assess your friendships or something!
↕
Enemies/Frenemies/Extinct Friendships
This I call a Friendship Shift Continuum which represents the spectrum of stages between great friends and the extreme - enemies/frenemies or even outright extinct friendships. You see, there will always be factors that will (seek to) change or shift the status of your friendships (and, by extension, every other type of relationship). These factors include distance, change in status, rumours, pride, etc.
There will always be a shift in friendship, even momentary, for better or for worse; however what determines where the relationship is headed is whether you two are determined to make the relationship work.
This is where it begins to sound like every other advice on romantic relationships. Surprise, surprise, friendships are like romantic relationships (emphasis on 'relationship')! Wiser?
Where I am headed with this however is the realisation that there is usually a friendship shift. It does hurt sometimes when that person you had a close bond with suddenly falls to the acquaintance zone or off the continuum entirely.
However what I have found useful in repairing these relationships, if you think they are worth it (unfortunately you might have to let some people go) are four things (there might be more... I'll probably get to know them when I'm pushing 50). I call this the CARE principle (yes, I'm so proud of myself right now):
*Communication (blunt communication): If you feel there's something that is serving as a barrier in your relationship, address it, bluntly. Tell the other person if you feel they're worth having. For instance (and this is only an example), "I think it's been awkward between us because I hate the brand of shampoo you're using". Also, continue to communicate. Do not let awkward silences stretch for years... that's just wrong.
*Awareness: Be aware that friendships change, even if you were sworn childhood BFFs, with matching necklaces and all. It's okay if a great friend slides into the friend or acquaintance zone, or if an erstwhile acquaintance moves up to the great friend zone.
*Remember: Yeah, remember the reason why you became and stayed friends for as long as you did.
*Evaluation: Determine whether the friendship is worth salvaging - upgrading or downgrading. You can't be best friends with some people forever. It might be that they fit more of an acquaintance role now. Again, if the friendship isn't mutually beneficial or if you've tried all within your power and it's beginning to seem you are forcing yourself on them, well... burn that bridge.
Well, go assess your friendships or something!
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