For Those Who Envy, Covet, Compare and Other Related Stuff

Okay, happy new year! Praying that this year is great for you at every turn.

Being a new year, with all the talk and thoughts about being a better person, there are certain things we have to let go of. One of the most pertinent things I have found that leads to living a miserable life and not being a better person than you were last year a la new-year-new-me levels is envying others, comparing yourself to others and coveting. To me, these are all related, and that's why I've classed them as one. We need to let go, beloved (in Iyanla's voice).

*Do you really want what they have? 

I mean, let's just dive in. I'll ask again, 'do you really want what they have?'. 'Of course', you'll say. You want to be stick-thin like that person, to be rich like that other person, even to be a celebrity like that other person, and the list goes on. You stan that person lowkey or highkey, and wouldn't mind swapping places with them even if it is for one day. Right? Right. 

What if you could have that thing you so covet about them? The only snag is that you have to take the warts as well. 

You see, some of us don't think about what the implications are of having those exact same thing as the subject of our envy or comparison. That weight might have been down to body-harming diets or drug use. That money might have been got illegally or through ways you can't even guess. Some of these celebrities we want to be exactly like are drug addicts and people who have done and are still doing mind-numbing and attrocious things and would give anything to have your life in comparison.
Indeed, many of the things we envy in others come with a lot of baggage.

Do you really want what they have?

*Put things in perspective

The first point leads naturally to the second. We need to put things in perspective, people. I have learnt on my journey to being secure with who I am that every one has flaws. 

News flash, there's no perfect person. 

They have challenges they are dealing with that you are not and may never be aware of. If you keep this in mind, believe me, you will never envy or covet again. Ever. I hope. 

And, what do you feel you lack that makes you feel like you want to be someone else? Ok, slow down with the list.... You certainly don't have everything you think you should have. But, so does everyone else.
There are people with worse things than you are battling with or hating about yourself.
The good thing is that there are ways you can be your own kind of happy, to be a better version of who you are, without wanting to be exactly like others.

  

*You are unique

As if you didn't know that. I just feel that we need to just remember and remind ourselves of that all the time.

No matter how you try, you can't, I repeat, can not, be someone else. Even identical twins are not the same, similar, but not the same. So, why try to be someone else?

You will probably just end up confused and unsatisfied if you did. 

I feel like all those high-school themed movies you watch should be a backdrop for this piece. There are the jocks and the cheer-leader type, the popular kids everyone wants to be like. But you find that as the movie progresses, they have imperfections like everyone else, even though they are the ones everyone wants to be exactly like. They are unique in the same way that the nerds and other social classes are. We see what trying to be exactly like these ones end up for the protagonists in the movies.

You can only find fulfilment in settling into who you are. Take that with you. I feel that that is rhema for today.

 

*Love yourself.  

Don't be too hard on yourself. I know how this is easier said than done. There are just a lot of things we don't like about ourselves to fully love ourselves. Or at least that's how we normally justify our dislike for ourselves.

Isn't it interesting that we love others, sometimes irrespective of their glaring faults, things we usually excuse or gloss over, but we hate ourselves for the same reason?

What I personally do is use the fact that I know myself more than any other person, warts and all, to my advantage. To me, it means you can't hurt me or make me feel bad with your views of my imperfections. I don ont deceive myself. I am honest with myself. It's my life, not yours *insert sassy finger snap*.

I know already that I am meticulous to a fault sometimes, or that I seem a bit standofish to people who don't know me well, etc. But, guess what, I am content with who I am. I might be working on some of these things, but I know who I am and I love myself just as I am - a work in progress.

*Don't be complacent. 

After all that's been said, do not be complacent! I know you love yourself and are content with where you are, but you can still continue to build yourself from your place of content and rest.

Are you passionate about something? Build on that! Work on that.  

Some of us need to go to the gym to get toned. Some of us need to get a further education on a course. Some of us need to volunteer in an organisation that will bring us a lot of meaning. Some of us need to just fill in the gap.

We can always be better versions of who we are, even from our place of contentment and self love.

Now, go and be better versions of yourselves.