Age, Friendship Shift, BFFs and All That Jazz

They say you get wiser with age.

Well, I'm not sure about the wiser part. I mean, I still expect to win the lottery every time I scratch the lottery tickets. However, I guess if there's something aging has thought me, it is the change in erstwhile rock-solid friendships and relationships as a whole.

I'm going to press the brakes here to issue a disclaimer. This post might take an academic turn now and again (by academic I mean there'll be a continuum  and at least one definition).

With that out of the way, let me proceed. So, friendships change... news flash! You see why I doubt the older-wiser theory? Anyways, I have had a lot of great friends over the years, some 'greater' than others. With age, distance and change in status etc, we have sort of grown apart. Interestingly, for other friends, we have grown closer; even some acquaintances of mine have somehow turned into great friends.

So, I propose (here comes the academic part) a continuum:

                                    Great/Good Friends

                                             ↕ 

                                          Friends 

                                             ↕

                                      Acquaintances
                                                        ↕
                              Enemies/Frenemies/Extinct Friendships

This I call a Friendship Shift Continuum which represents the spectrum of stages between great friends and the extreme - enemies/frenemies or even outright extinct friendships. You see, there will always be factors that will (seek to) change or shift the status of your friendships (and, by extension, every other type of relationship). These factors include distance, change in status, rumours, pride, etc.

There will always be a shift in friendship, even momentary, for better or for worse; however what determines where the relationship is headed is whether you two are determined to make the relationship work.

This is where it begins to sound like every other advice on romantic relationships. Surprise, surprise, friendships are like romantic relationships (emphasis on 'relationship')! Wiser?

Where I am headed with this however is the realisation that there is usually a friendship shift. It does hurt sometimes when that person you had a close bond with suddenly falls to the acquaintance zone or off the continuum entirely.

However what I have found useful in repairing these relationships, if you think they are worth it (unfortunately you might have to let some people go) are four things (there might be more... I'll probably get to know them when I'm pushing 50). I call this the CARE principle (yes, I'm so proud of myself right now):

*Communication (blunt communication): If you feel there's something that is serving as a barrier in your relationship, address it, bluntly. Tell the other person if you feel they're worth having. For instance (and this is only an example), "I think it's been awkward between us because I hate the brand of shampoo you're using". Also, continue to communicate. Do not let awkward silences stretch for years... that's just wrong.

*Awareness: Be aware that friendships change, even if you were sworn childhood BFFs, with matching necklaces and all. It's okay if a great friend slides into the friend or acquaintance zone, or if an erstwhile acquaintance moves up to the great friend zone.

*Remember: Yeah, remember the reason why you became and stayed friends for as long as you did.

*Evaluation: Determine whether the friendship is worth salvaging - upgrading or downgrading. You can't be best friends with some people forever. It might be that they fit more of an acquaintance role now. Again, if the friendship isn't mutually beneficial or if you've tried all within your power and it's beginning to seem you are forcing yourself on them, well... burn that bridge.

Well, go assess your friendships or something!

Do It Yourself - Seven Ideas

Let me tell you a story. I had a clogged sink this weekend and discovered we didn't have a plunger; short of getting dressed and shopping for one or just taking a hammer to the sink, I didn't know what to do.Then, it hit me! I remembered the way we used to unclog sinks when I was younger and voila, it worked!

So, here is a list of the simple things you could do to make life easier for you without having to spend unnecessarily.

1. Broomsticks in the sink: Yes, get some thick broomsticks and thrust them repeatedly in the sinkholes. Alternatives would be hair pins or any other long strong thin stuff and do same.  If symptoms persist, consult the plumber or just take a hammer to the sink!

2. Salt and water: This solution is a great cure for diarrhoea (no matter how chronic). You can also effectively brush your teeth with salt if you run out of toothpaste.

3. Shaving sticks and those clothes. In the absence of a lint remover, you can simply shave off the lint on your old clothes with a shaving stick.

4. Straws and hairpins: Yeah, in the absence of curlers, you can simply use straws and hairpins, that's if you do have straws and hairpins. If you don't, I hope it's not too late to ask you to disregard number 4.

5. Thread for the floss. If you don't want to buy dental floss or just don't have any available for that emergency situation, just draw a thread from your clothes and take it to the teeth. You might want to be careful about pulling off the thread though, you don't want to end up thread-bare.

6. Ringworm and toothpaste: Yep, apply toothpaste to ring-worms. It works, believe me (I need to point out that this is from second-hand observation).

7. Plastic bag/Cellophane: use this as an alternative to a shower cap against the rain or for steaming your hair.

Honourable mention: Rub two stones together to produce fire!
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One Direction? Not Quite

Yeah, I know it's been ages since I've posted anything.

Reason? It might be easiest to say I've been too busy; but, that would be a lie.

The truth is I have been sidetracked by issues more germane to life - eating, sleeping, studying, working, clipping my toenails, and so on and so long.

Apart from that, I have actually just not had anything concrete to write about, or at least the fragmented ideas swimming in my brain didn't made it to the computer.

I wouldn't entirely blame it on writers' block or a sudden fear of my own blog page.

Many of the things I do want to write about require some degree of research, which is annoying for me; I mean this consciousness that I need to research something before writing it.

Anyways, it seems for the past couple of months, I've found myself being pulled in more directions than one - moving house, studying, trying to keep up with the Kardashi... sorry, I meant my folks and peeps, trying to adapt to a new environment and just trying not to miss the bus.

I've not always been successful (apologies to my peeps who haven't heard from me since May, if you've not heard from me since before May... well, that might be because of an entirely different reason #awkward).

There just seems to be too many things to do all the time.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Hope to blog more often now, toe-nail length notwithstanding.

Oh, before I go... if you came here looking for stories about One Direction - the boy band, or wanted something 'juicier', I'm sorry, you've probably realised by now you're reading the wrong post #awkward.