I thought it was really cheesy when people said one of the greatest loves was that of a mother for her child. My goodness, they were right! They are so right, it's scary. And, I'm not going to gush too much, but motherhood is all it's cracked up to, highs and lows, and much more. Every moment of the years we've had together so far I am so thankful.
However, there have been a whole range of new experiences for me as well, and learning that comes with having children. Some of the most intriguing and annoying are from some of the types of people I have met on this journey (go figure!):
The Mean Adviser. Before and after you have a baby, you get so much advice, which in itself is not a bad thing. I love (translation - LOVE) those motherhood hacks, like breast milk being a solution to everything (believe me, guys, it's true) and recycling clothes for the kids so you don't wash too often (yeah, this is surprisingly not so common sense).
But, some people have taken advising to another level. They insult you in the guise of advising, e.g. "You are destroying this child's life by feeding him sugary stuff" What?!
Some of these ones also give you the wrong advice. I had someone tell me my child's body had probably broken into pieces because I was jumping for excitement while pregnant. I kid you not. I did panick until I googled and googled. And, I assure you, said child had and still has all their body parts intact, and they function well!
But, some people have taken advising to another level. They insult you in the guise of advising, e.g. "You are destroying this child's life by feeding him sugary stuff" What?!
Some of these ones also give you the wrong advice. I had someone tell me my child's body had probably broken into pieces because I was jumping for excitement while pregnant. I kid you not. I did panick until I googled and googled. And, I assure you, said child had and still has all their body parts intact, and they function well!
The Judge and Jury. Yeah, sadly, there are so many of these. Imagine someone calling a woman who has just birthed a child a cow or poking and prodding the mum tum a few months later. Don't get me started on the ones who come to you and judge your appearance or your child's when you've had to drag yourself out of bed that morning for tiredness. It's almost as if they want to make you feel bad. I find that these types have insecurities themselves that they are projecting.
The Eyers: The eyes have it (I made that one up, though I'm sure if I googled, I'll find it's a cliche). Some don't say it with words but transmit those signals through their eyes - the sizing up, the eye rolls when your child decides to moan because they are a child. I'm usually nonchallant when this comes from someone who doesn't have a child, because maybe they don't know what it's like, something I might have been guilty of myself pre-motherhood. However, it is disappointing to say the least when this comes from people who have children themselves, albeit older. It's almost like their own kids became adults the day they were born; or they got amnesia about how children that young can be.
The Braggers: "At this age, my child was a professional dancer, and yours is still in diapers at 2?" Yes, those ones. I think it is pertinent to remember that all children don't advance at the same pace, and whose child is a professional dancer at 2 anyway? I also go by the popular saying, pics or it didn't happen, for a lot of people, as I have found some people like to tell a few (translation loads of) porkies.
The morale of this is that mothers are sensitive too! But, seriously, these experience that I'm still having, have helped me become more thick skinned and more sensitive about interacting with other people. I've learnt to skim through advice to see which benefits me and discard what I deem bad ones. I will let you know as well if you overstep your bounds (don't try me, I don't have a black belt, but I thought about it. The thought counts, you see... okay, terrible joke, moving on).
I have learnt to ignore the eyers because they don't have the courage to confront me anyway and so meh.
I have learnt that every child-rearing experience is unique in the sort of similar but not identical way because every one is unique and that includes children. As a result, just the same way I don't compare myself with others, I will not compare my children to others.
I have learnt that there will always be bad belle (read negative) people who project their own insecurities on to you. You've just got to learn to shake it off and carry on. There are so many things on our minds as mothers, and beefing with people who don't contribute positively to me is a burden I do not want to add on.
Most of all, I've learnt to be thankful for my role as a mother and to know that no negativity should outweigh that.
The Braggers: "At this age, my child was a professional dancer, and yours is still in diapers at 2?" Yes, those ones. I think it is pertinent to remember that all children don't advance at the same pace, and whose child is a professional dancer at 2 anyway? I also go by the popular saying, pics or it didn't happen, for a lot of people, as I have found some people like to tell a few (translation loads of) porkies.
The morale of this is that mothers are sensitive too! But, seriously, these experience that I'm still having, have helped me become more thick skinned and more sensitive about interacting with other people. I've learnt to skim through advice to see which benefits me and discard what I deem bad ones. I will let you know as well if you overstep your bounds (don't try me, I don't have a black belt, but I thought about it. The thought counts, you see... okay, terrible joke, moving on).
I have learnt to ignore the eyers because they don't have the courage to confront me anyway and so meh.
I have learnt that every child-rearing experience is unique in the sort of similar but not identical way because every one is unique and that includes children. As a result, just the same way I don't compare myself with others, I will not compare my children to others.
I have learnt that there will always be bad belle (read negative) people who project their own insecurities on to you. You've just got to learn to shake it off and carry on. There are so many things on our minds as mothers, and beefing with people who don't contribute positively to me is a burden I do not want to add on.Most of all, I've learnt to be thankful for my role as a mother and to know that no negativity should outweigh that.
